What’s the best way to manage money with a partner?
You’re sitting at the breakfast table with your partner. Gazing into their eyes, you think about how much you love them, how much they — to quote “Jerry Maguire” — “complete you,” and how fortunate you are to have them.
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Just as you’re about to fall even deeper in love, they open their mouth to tell you they might have, ahem, put a little more on the credit card than they planned. Or perhaps to chide you for not taking your employer match on your 401(k).
Ah, love. Ain’t it grand? It still can be — even if your money habits clash — when you learn how to balance different financial styles. That process might sound complex and uncomfortable, but according to Emma Johnson, founder of Wealthy Single Mommy and author of “The 50/50 Solution” and “The Kickass Single Mom,” it starts with something simple: listening to each other.
GOBankingRates caught up with Johnson to get her take on how happy couples can stay happy couples when it comes to managing money together.
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One of Johnson’s first pieces of advice is to recognize that you and your partner are, well, your own people. You each had fully formed identities and managed your own money before you got together. Acting like a parent or boss with your partner’s finances can only breed resentment.
“Each partner needs some financial autonomy – money you can spend without checking in first,” Johnson said. “You’re both adults.”
Therapists back this up. Given how often couples argue over money, it’s not surprising that services like Ascencion Counseling include financial advice right on their websites. To keep your financial independence while managing joint responsibilities, you and your partner need to communicate and plan together.
One common approach is to open a joint account for major shared expenses like rent, utilities and groceries, while keeping separate accounts for personal spending. Once you agree on how much each of you will contribute — ideally based on income rather than splitting everything 50/50 — you can still maintain individual control over your own separate accounts.
This kind of setup gives each partner more confidence in their financial abilities while also minimizing potential resentment. That’s a win-win.
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Opposites might attract in your favorite rom-com, but in real life, they can cause friction — and not the fun kind. Johnson acknowledges that differing money habits are tough to navigate.
But she wants you both to sit down and ask yourself some hard questions. Do we see our money as shared? How do we feel about keeping separate accounts and spending without checking in? Should joint expenses be split equally or based on income?
“There are no right or wrong answers here, and your feelings may change over time. But it’s important to come to some agreement together,” she said. “Remember, these dynamics can change over time, so think about how you’d feel if the situation flipped, because life is long and it very likely could!”
Timing is everything. Have these conversations when you’re both in a calm and relaxed mood — not when you’re mid-argument or stressed. You might even plan a special date night where you sit at home over a lovely meal and talk openly about your financial experiences. Share what makes you feel triggered or ashamed. Talk about areas where you feel secure and empowered.
This kind of open honesty helps build empathy and prevents unintentional hurt.
You already act as a team in other parts of life, from house training your new puppy to navigating holiday dinners with extended family. Why not do the same with money? Johnson sees financial conversations as a lifelong dialogue, not a one-and-done talk.
“Ask yourselves: What is a short-term goal — in the next year — that we share? What long-term goal – five years, 10 years, retirement – do we share? Remember, the conversation is ongoing,” she said. “It will evolve, change and have surprises and upsets. Keep talking and make future planning a fun, positive part of your partnership.”
Just because you and your partner approach money differently doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. Far from it. With some honesty, vulnerability and a willingness to keep the conversation going, you can manage your finances as true partners — and even grow stronger in the process.
This article is part of GOBankingRates’ Top 100 Money Experts series, where we spotlight expert answers to the biggest financial questions Americans are asking. Got a question of your own? You could win $500 just for asking — learn more at GOBankingRates.com.
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